My Book Cover

The Bloody Halo

Marg Herder, Director of Public Information for the EEWC Christian Feminism Today asked me some important questions about the image on the cover of my book. I am happy to answer her questions and explain what this image represents to me.  She asks, "What is the meaning of the blood dripping halo?" The first time I was molested by a "man of God" was at church camp.  Many of the campers and counselors were in the pool playing volley ball and someone  grabbed me between my legs. I didn't know who had done it.  I jumped out of the pool and told the female counselors what had happened.  I thought they would tell the director and he would find out who it was.  One of counselors was the wife of the director.  Later that evening the director apologized for grabbing me and told me he was surprised at my reaction.  I guess he thought I would like it.   

Molestation

Webster's Dictionary gives this definition for molest, "To bother, annoy or persecute: to accost sexually.  This happened five different times.  Two camp directors, one church pastor, one youth minister and one regional pastor.  Each time left my teenage self feeling guilty, dirty and ashamed as if my very presence had made these "men of God sin." I had never shared this with anyone until I shared it with Marg, April 21 of this year.

Healing

Thanks in large part to the feminists in my life I have learned that this was not my fault.  Those men, who my parents and I trusted are the shame.  The bloody halo represents the pain I carried for years as a result of the actions of those molesters who pass themselves off as "men of God." 

In my next post I will address Marg's question, "Why use a white woman model, blond hair and blue eyes? This book is about middle eastern women."  

Another Woman Raped

Tamar, the Daughter of King David

Where to find Tamar's story

Tamar was the beautiful daughter of King David and Maacah one of David's many wives.  She was raped by her half-brother Amnon.  Her brother Absalom killed Amnon.  The Bible says the reason for the killing was revenge for the rape.  Her story is told to validate Absalom's killing of Amnon, but with Amnon out of the way Absalom was next in line to be king.  Her story is told in 2 Samuel 13:1-37 

Tamar Tells Her Story

"No, my brother, do not force me; for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do anything so vile!"  Tamar said to Amnon in, 2 Samuel 13:12.

I could not stand to be around him.  He was always leering at me, making suggestive remarks, touching me when no one was looking.  I tried to stay away from him but our father sent me to take care of him when he got sick.  I knew he was faking.  I did not think I was in any real danger.  I was after all, a virgin and the daughter of the king.  

He watched me as I made the cakes he requested.  When they were ready he sent everyone away and asked me to come to his bedroom and feed him the cakes.  I thought he was just being creepy.  "Let me eat them from you hand" he whined.  When I entered the room he grabbed me and said he wanted to have sex with me.  I begged him not to do anything so vile.  I begged him not to shame me.  I begged him to ask our father if he could marry me.  I knew our father would say no and once he saw  the kind of man Amnon was it would be easier for me to stay away from him.  

It was no use.  He was stronger than me and I could not fight him off.  He raped me.  His rape was not about love but loathing and the desire to have power over me.  He had ruined me. I beg him to marry me as our law requires.  I said, "No, my brother; for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me."  He would not listen.  He had his servant throw me out and called me, "this woman."  He didn't even use my name.  I tore the robe I was wearing.  It was the mark of the virgin daughter of the king.  I put ashes on my head as a symbol of mourning and ran to my brothers house, crying all the way.  There was nothing left for me now.  I was not a virgin.  I would never marry and have a home of my own.  I would live in the home of my brother and serve him.  My brother tried to comfort me but I was desolate.

  

When our father found out about my rape he was angry but he did not punish Amnon.  I was of less value to him than his firstborn son. 

 

Two years later my brother killed Amnon.  He was very cleaver in biding his time.  He waited until the celebration of the sheep shearing and when Amnon was drunk he ordered his servant to kill him.  Absalom went into hiding for three years.

Observations on Tamar's Story

The cover of the winter/spring 2014 issue of MS. magazine declares, "1 in 5 Women Students on College Campuses Will Experience Sexual Assault"  One of the more blood chilling statistics reported is, 63 percent of men who admitted committing rape or attempted rape had raped an average of 6 women.  Another chilling statistic is that 1.5 million women are raped or assaulted by an intimate partner every year in the U.S.  

Tamar's rape is a vehicle, a literary device presented to further the stories of the male biblical heroes.  We are not told about her life before the rape.  We are told that she was beautiful as if that is all that matters.  After the rape we know that she was a desolate woman living in her brother's home.  We are also told in 2 Samuel 14:27 that a daughter named Tamar was born to Absalom.  Miriam Therese Winter asks the question, "Was she Tamar's daughter?" 

I was never taught about the rape of Tamar in Sunday School or the laws which require a rape victim to marry her rapist.  Would the statistics of rape and assault be different if the church confronted these biblical stories of rape and assault?  If the church condemned the actions of the attacker would it make a difference?  Would there be less blaming of the victim if there were serious consequences for the rapist?  What difference would it make if this story were told, not as an incident in the life of a biblical hero but as the sad and ruined life of a biblical woman? 

Heaven is for Real

Whose Heaven?

 "Only Rahab the prostitute and all who are with her in her house shall live because she hid the messengers we sent. Then they devoted to destruction by the edge of the sword all in the city, both men and women, young and old, oxen, sheep, and donkeys.  Joshua said to the two men who had spied out the land, 'Go into the prostitute's house, and bring the woman out of it and all who belong to her, as you swore to her.'  So the young men who had been spies went in and brought Rahab out, along with her father, her mother, her brothers, and all who belonged to her—they brought all her kindred out—and set them outside the camp of Israel.  They burned down the city, and everything in it; only the silver and gold, and the vessels of bronze and iron, they put into the treasury of the house of the Lord."
  Joshua 6:17b, 21-24 NRSV

Creating Heaven in Our Image.

In the prologue of the book  Heaven is for Real the four-year-old protagonist informs his parents that Jesus asked the angles to sing to him.  One of the songs the angles sang was Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho.  That song is based on the verses above chronicling the total destruction of the people and town of Jericho, with the exception of a prostitute and her family.

I read the entire book.  It is a sweet but unconvincing story of a child's near death experience.  In the book Prostitutes, Virgins and Mothers I repeatedly ask the question, "Does it make sense?"  My question here is, does it make sense that the angles are singing about the massacre of human beings?  Does it make sense that heaven is exactly like the child has been taught in Sunday School.  The father in the book even says, the Sunday School teachers must be doing a really good job.  The book works very hard to convince the reader that the child, raised in the home of a Christian minister, attending Sunday School every Sunday could not have gotten his vision from anyplace but a trip to heaven.  It is a very physical place.  Jesus has very pretty eyes, a rainbow horse and wears purple and white.  God even sits on a throne like one pictured in the child's story book. 

Who Gets to go to Heaven?

The child in the book is very adamant that there is no admittance into heaven without knowing Jesus. At the funeral of a strangers he exclaims,  "He can't get into heaven if he didn't have Jesus in his heart."  Using that criteria Mahatma Gandhi, The Dalai Lama, Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum and Ruth Messinger among a host of others are not going to be there.  

What or if there is an afterlife I don't know. I am a Christian and it does not make since to me that an afterlife is a physical place with rainbow horses and angels singing about the destruction of any part of creation.  

Fight Church

"Sometimes the world is just too ridiculous to believe!"

That is the way I remember a line from the movie Little Big Man.  Today I watched a story about the film Fight Church on Good Morning America.  One of the cage fighting pastors says, "Mainstream Christianity has feminized men."  My first question is, "Who does he think has been running the church, women?"  My second question is, "Are they reading the same Gospels I am?"  

Using God as Justification

As a Christian Feminist I have to question the objectification of the young woman in a bikini who carries a sign into the ring.  As a retired kindergarten teacher my heart breaks for the scared little boy who is told, "God said, 'don't be afraid, don't be discouraged'" as his pastor dresses him to go into the ring.       

Why do we believe what we believe?

I wrote the book, Prostitutes,Virgins and Mothers: Questioning Teachings About Biblical Women in part, because my religion has been hijacked by people who call themselves Christians yet live a lifestyle of violence.  

Christian Right is Wrong

Fundamentalist Christians

March 17th is my birthday.  As is my habit I decided to go to the cemetery to visit the graves of my parents.  I try not to go during the week after the time I was sitting at their graves and the sprinklers came on.  To get to the cemetery I had to drive past the church I went to all my growing up years.  I was feeling very nostalgic so I decided to stop for services.  

The male generic language was not a surprise just disappointing.  Especially, "Greet each other with a brotherly kiss."  My first shock was how few people were at church. I remember it as a large congregation.  My second shock was when the minister announced, "Bring a friend to church Sunday" and then asked the congregation to raise their hand if they had friends who were going to hell.  I tried to keep the shook from showing on my face as everyone raised their hands.  "Well," he said, "bring them to church and get them saved."  

My final shock came during the sermon.  The minister said, "God instituted capital punishment because murder is an assault against God's image."  I wrote his statement on the back of the bulletin  because I couldn't believe what I had just heard.  I wanted to ask about the sixth commandment, "you shall not kill."  Or, Jesus admonition to love your neighbor as yourself.  Or, what about the image of God in the person being executed?  

Unfundamentalist Christians

There are many unfundamentalist  Christian groups.  One on Facebook calls themselves Unfundamentalist Christians.  There is also, the Christian Left, Christians For Biblical Equality and The Evangelical, Ecumenical Women's Caucus-Christian Feminist Today to name a few.  They proclaim respect, inclusion, non-judgement, forgiveness and so much more that reflects and represents my faith.  I wrote the book, Prostitutes, Virgins and Mothers: Questioning Teachings About Biblical Women because I felt like my religion had been hijacked by fundamentalist.  

I will not go back to that church. I choose to believe in a God who would be just as disappointed with the male generic language, just as shocked by the judgement on the lives of other people and just as shocked to hear that the loving creator had instituted capital punishment.   
         

Women, Guilt and Lent

Where To Find The Reading For the First Sunday of Lent 

Sunday March 9 marked the first Sunday of Lent, for those of us who pay attention to such things.  The reading from the second story of creation found in Genesis 3:6 is about a woman who eats.  And that is where all the fuss begins.  I am not talking about the "original sin" thing.  That was developed by the misogynist, church father and saint, Augustine of Hippo who famously said, "I don't see what sort of help woman was created to provide man with, if one excludes procreation.  If woman is not given to man for help in bearing children, for what help could she be?  To till the earth together?  If help were needed for that man would have been a better help to man.  The same goes for comfort and solitude.  How much more pleasure is it for life and conversation when two friends live together than when a man and a woman cohabitate?"

Guilt

No, I am not talking about "original sin."  I am talking about women and eating.  I am talking about the culturally inflicted guilt that so often surrounds the necessary act of nourishing a woman's body.  Trader Joe's carries a line of "Reduced Guilt" products.  If you Google "guilt free" a list of foods that can be eaten without guilt appears.  I know I am totally screwed up.  Will, maybe not totally but enough.  I can remember the message when I was very young, "Don't drink your milk so fast or it will make your stomach stick out."  And, that was from someone who loved me.

The woman in Genesis was eating something that would make her wise.  Not a bad goal, but Christendom has blamed all the evil in the world on the innocent act of one woman nourishing her body in search of wisdom.  

The information is always changing around what we can eat and not feel guilty.  Don't eat wheat or drink milk.  Vegan is the only healthy way to eat.  Vegetarian is the only responsible way to eat. Coconut oil is bad for you.  Don't buy product that contain coconut oil.  Coconut oil is good for you.  Have some in your coffee, it will make you bullet proof.    

Lent

My goal this Lenten Season is to eat without guilt.  I had a mango for lunch.  I know, it is a tropical fruit and I should not eat tropical fruit because they have so much sugar. It was delicious!  I am going to have a baked potato for dinner.  I know, it is a starch and I shouldn't eat starchy vegetables, but I really like baked potatoes

At a church BBQ recently,  I recently wanted a hot dog on  a white roll with mustard and onion and some baked beans.  I loaded my plate with everything but what I wanted.  I told myself,  I can't eat white bread, there are probably nitrates in the hot dog and who knows what the meat is.  The baked beans are loaded with sugar.  I took my plate covered with everything except what I wanted and sat down.  The beautiful, slender, slim and fit woman sitting beside me was having a hot dog and baked beans.  "I never do guilt around food,"  she said, "I just eat what I want."

"So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desired to make on wise, she took of its fruit and ate."  Thank you biblical sister for setting a good example for the rest of us. 

Assertive Women

Women's Rights

Listening to Public Radio International during the height of the struggle in the Ukraine I was struck by the words of one woman.  "We are fighting for our rights," she said, "We have to fight for our rights.  No one is going to just give them to us!"

She reminded me of an obscure woman in the book of Joshua.  Her name was Achsah.  She was given to a Othniel, her father's nephew as a reward for the nephew's accomplishments in war. She was sent away to live in the desert with her husband.   

Where To Find Achsah's Story

Achsah's story is told twice.  First in Joshua 15:16 -19 and again in Judges 1:11-15.  She is also mentioned in Chronicles 2:49.  As historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich pointed out in 1976, "Well behaved women rarely make history."  Achsah must fit into the, "not well behaved" category.  Not only is her name recorded, her story is recorded twice, her mother's name is recorded, she is included in the list of her brothers and she has a voice.

Achsah Tells Her Story

"Since you have sent me to live in the desert, give me a spring of water."  Achsah's request of her father upon her arrival in the Negeb desert, in Joshua 15:19.

I was the spoils of war.  My father promised me to any man who was strong enough to attack and conquer Kiriath-sepher.  I am sure my father wanted a husband who was as strong and assertive as I am.  But he didn't just attack Kiriath-sepherit, it was the totally destructoyed.  There has been so much blood shed.  The destruction of Jericho was the worst.  The life of everything, except Rahab and her family, was rubbed out.  Every man, woman, child and animal destroyed. 

It was my cousin Othniel I had to marry.  We went to live in the hot, dry, dusty, desolate Negeb. I was determined I was not going to have a miserable life.  I convinced Othniel to ask my father for a field.  When my father asked me what I wanted I did not hold back.  "You have sent me to live in the desert.  I want a spring of water."  He gave me two.   

Observations on Achsah's Story

In my book Prostitutes, Virgins and Mothers: Questioning Teachings About Biblical Women I offer my own observations on the stories of biblical women.  While reading The Woman's Bible published in 1895 I was struck by the observation of Achsah's story written by Elizabeth Caddy Stanton.  The language is dated but the sentiment is timeless.

"Achsan's example is worthy the imitation of the women of this Republic.  She did not humbly accept what was given her, but bravely asked for more.  We should give to our rulers, our sires and sons no rest until all our rights-social, civil and political-are fully accorded.  How are men to know what we want unless we tell them?  They have no idea that our wants, material and spiritual, are the same as theirs; that we love justice, liberty and equality as well as they do; that we believe in the principals of self-government, individual rights, individual conscience and judgment, the fundamental ideas of the Protestant religion and republican government."   

Well said sister Suffragist!